Burnsy… Calling the Plays Offensive…
Being a sports genius, people often ask me, “Hey Burnsy, what have you enjoyed most about your Pulitzer-winning sports journalism career?” And the first answer is simple – all the female groupie ass I get. But it’s the second answer that invokes the most thought and emotion. You see, back when I was covering THE University of Central Florida’s national champion cheerleaders and the rest of the sports programs, I never felt comfortable as a news source, and I chose to use my god-like powers to help bolster student support. Well, it’s been 5 years since I last donned the press cap of student newspaper awesome guy, and student support still sucks.
So I’m going with my third favorite part of covering UCF sports – talking sh*t about how much losing sucks. In the past I have been ripped to shreds on message boards because I have been unapologetic about how much I love to bash the awful football coaching at UCF, as well as the athletics administration for unapologetically telling sour fans that we’re wrong for being upset and basically that we need to stay the course. Well f*ck that, and pardon my asterisks, but I am so sick and tired of watching UCF lose to big conference football programs that couldn’t give two squirts of a fly’s d*ck who the Knights are and where they came from.
Did you hear the FSN announcers during Saturday’s bullsh*t loss to Kansas State? They called UCF the Golden Knights. As much as I still wish we were called the Golden Knights, the powers that be decided we’re just the Knights. So how is it that we make such a decision and then don’t reinforce it to the media? Whatever, this is small potatoes. I’m harping on the wrong people as usual, and we’re going to play the correct blame game now. So here you are, Golden Knights fans, the five people you can blame for Saturday’s sh*tshow loss to Kansas State:
1) George O’Leary – I still remember almost every detail about the morning that Mike Kruczek was fired as UCF’s head coach. I received two phone calls before 9 am from my old trusted sources, and they both said, “Hey Burnsy, Mike just got fired and nobody has broken the story yet.” My response, of course, was: “Why are you calling me when I was at Devaney’s Too until 4 am?” But sure enough it happened and 740 the Team broke the news about an hour later. Now you may be asking, “Handsome Burnsy, why are you bringing up such old news?” Well, the first reason is because I was excited about the change in regime (and I also still brag that I may have had something to do with it, but I also want to add that I loved Mikey K. as a coach and am shocked that he’s not coaching somewhere else) but mainly because O’Leary was supposed to ignite a new era of UCF football. The results, as my good buddy and budding sports reporter Eric Lopez points out, are pretty much identical to the Kruczek era. Mikey was 1-18 versus non-conference FBS teams. O’Leary is 1-18 versus non-conference FBS teams. Mikey had no bowl victories (granted, he never took UCF to a bowl game but he was also coach of an independent program for most of his career) and George has no bowl victories. All George has to hang his hat on is a Conference USA Championship, which I’m not knocking, but come on! One lousy conference title?
2) George O’Leary – One thing that sets me apart from most detractors is that I openly welcome criticism and debate if someone thinks I’m wrong. What’s biting me on the ass right now – and please someone tell me that I’m wrong – is that UCF’s coaches are afraid to win non-conference games and they hide behind the excuse that they are non-conference games. Look, I know we’re not playing for a national title, and despite the hopes and dreams of every fan, we’re apparently never going to jump to a conference that will give us the opportunity to be ranked No. 2 in the nation and then lose five straight games to fall out of the Top 25 like USF did a few years back. But for the love of Buddha and Vishnu riding in a dune buggy, could we please f*cking act like non-conference games mean something to us? Because they sure as hell mean something to our fans.
3) George O’Leary – I am convinced that our offensive playbook was written on a Denny’s place mat. Seriously, do we even have a playbook or does our offensive coordinator just hold up a finger to signal “Run our one play!”
4) George O’Leary – I am also convinced that our coaches have no respect for our players’ athletic ability. Otherwise we would A) run a freaking play action play once in my lifetime and give our receivers the opportunity to change the game and keep defenses guessing and B) not run the same exact option play three times and get killed for it twice.
5) George O’Leary – Seriously, George gets paid a lot of money to provide a sad sack product for us blue collar fans who work our asses off to buy tickets and support the team. Then he has the nerve to question our fans. Sorry, buddy. That’s my job. And at least I’m qualified.
Burnsy’s manliness is also on display daily at WithLeather.com and Uproxx.com.
